I Never Let You Go Read online

  To say I was nervous was an understatement. In a church of over a hundred people, it was only her I saw, and all of the nerves melted away as I watched her gracefully walk up the aisle.

  I didn’t take my eyes off her, even once she turned back to Kyler and his bride. I watched her smile as she exited with a man I didn’t recognize. The way her smile lit up her face, I wonder if that guy took my place in her heart. Did she give him what was mine?

  I was thankful the bar was already open as I impatiently waited for the bridal party to make the entrance. Would I be able to stand here and watch someone else spin my girl around on the dance floor? I sipped on a beer to calm my nerves as the bridal party danced their way into the reception to “The Power of Love” by Huey Lewis and the News. Lauren and her escort were both smiling and laughing. I would give anything to be the one on the receiving end of that smile.

  A weight lifted off my shoulders, and I could finally breathe as I discovered that Lauren was not with the groomsman she walked in with because I watched him lock lips with a blonde holding the flower girl. I know Lauren and I got adventurous in the bedroom, but I am pretty sure she’s not into sharing.

  The reception has been incredible so far. I can’t believe “Little Kyler Lawson” is married. Although he’s not that little anymore—we’ve all grown up. Between watching Kyler get launched in the air, Dirty Dancing style, and learning that in my absence, he experimented with some cross-dressing, he seems to have done quite well for himself.

  The last wedding I’d attended was my sister’s, and it was interesting. It’s not that it was the happiest day of my sister and her new husband’s life that resonated with me after all this time, but the talk my father had with me. I had spent too much time at the bar, and I began rambling how love was for suckers and a lie—that two people who are meant to be together was complete bullshit.

  “Finn, I won’t let you ruin your sister’s wedding day. Let’s step outside and talk while you can sober up.” My father escorted me outside to the terrace overlooking the golf course where Chase and Kelsey had gotten married. I ran my hand through my hair before leaning my elbows against the railing.

  My father took the spot next to me and placed his hand firmly on my shoulder.

  “I know you still hurt, Griffin.” The clipped tone of his voice and the use of my full name sobered me up quickly. “But you can’t keep going on like this.”

  “I still love her. She’s the one,” I openly admitted. I’d never denied my feelings for Lauren.

  “Well, stop moping around and do something about it.” His voice raised enough to get his point across but not draw attention to us.

  “What am I supposed to do, Dad?” I exhaled loudly, frustrated with myself and my situation.

  My dad spun me around to face him. “Fight for her. Get your head out of your damn ass and tell her that you love her. Go get the girl.”

  Sitting alone at the table, I play with the name card in front of me. Mr. Griffin Reynolds, Sr. I’ve never had a problem sharing a name with my father; it’s a strong name to live up to. My father not only raised a family, but created and ran a successful business, and here I am a coward, avoiding my ex-girlfriend because now that I know she is not with that groomsman, I can’t help but wonder, has someone else replaced me in her heart? Would she even talk to me if I walked up to her after she cut me out of her life so abruptly? I broke us up. I was so caught up in her rejection that I let us fall apart.

  My fingers are fidgety as I replay my father’s words over and over in my head. I imagine him sitting here asking me, “What the hell are you doing sitting here? Go fight for her.” And he’s right—sitting here sulking and avoiding her will get us nowhere. I let my pride get in the way once; I refuse to do it again.

  I look around the room at all the guests mingling. I haven’t spotted Lauren since she had disappeared in the crowd off the dance floor, but I see my mom chatting with Lauren’s mom, Liz. They have been talking up a storm, and it’s been great to see my mom smile again, which seems to be sparse these days since we lost my dad.

  I begin to search for her again, and while I don’t see that Lawson, I do see another I should say hello to. Kyler and his wife are making their rounds around the room when I approach them.

  “Kyler Lawson, a married man. I never thought I’d see the day.” For real, I can’t believe he is grown-up enough to be married. What happened to the same kid who used to try to break the world record for balancing a spoon on his nose? He made it four minutes and thirty-nine seconds because he sneezed and launched the spoon right into Kate’s face.

  I extend my hand to his and pull him into a hug, slapping his back. We pull back when his new bride clears her throat.

  “Oh shit, sorry. Finn, meet my beautiful wife, Dani. Dani, this is Finn Reynolds. He—” Kyler pauses, and I wonder how he’s going to introduce me. “—is an old family friend.” Between the introduction and the confusion on Kyler’s wife’s face, I think it’s safe to assume Lauren has never mentioned me. Once upon a time, I was her everything, and now I’m nothing.

  She reaches her hand out, and I take it. “It’s nice to meet you, Finn.” Dani smiles, and I nod, indicating the same.

  “What the hell are you even doing here?” The confusion on Kyler’s face answers my question as to whether Lauren knew I was coming. It seems Mom didn’t relay the message at all. “I never thought I’d see you back on the East Coast.”

  I place my hand in my pocket, fighting that emotion yet again today. “I’m my mom’s plus one. You know, after…” I look down and bite my cheek to keep from getting upset.

  Kyler grips my arm. “I’m really sorry about…”

  No, this is his wedding day—we aren’t making this about me—so I cut him off. “Yeah, thanks. Congratulations, it was a beautiful wedding.” I turn to Dani. “You’ve got a good one here, Dani. I’ve watched this kid grow up, and the Lawsons are a wonderful family.”

  When Dani wraps her arms around Kyler and smiles at him with such adoration, my heart twinges. Lauren and I should have had that. I need to find her and talk to her. At her brother’s wedding may not be the best place, but this is the first time in ten years that I have seen her, and I just need to talk to her, to hear her voice.

  “We’ll have to catch up soon. What’s it been, ten years?” I ask, knowing the exact answer.

  Ten years since I have heard her voice in person.

  Ten years since I held her in my arms.

  Ten years since I have felt complete.

  Kyler nods. “How long are you in town for? We leave for our honeymoon tomorrow.” Kyler looks around the room, and I wonder if he is looking for the same person I am. Boy is he in for a big surprise when I drop this bombshell.

  “I’m back for good, taking over things with Dad’s company.”

  His face goes blank. “Oh shit. Does Lauren know?”

  “No.” I try to keep my face composed; I hope they can’t read what I’m thinking. Does me being back here give us the chance we finally have been waiting for?

  I begin to search the room for Lauren, just like Ky had. The smallest smile tips my lips when I see her leaning up against the bar in the far corner.

  “If you two will excuse me.” I straighten my jacket and take a deep breath.

  “Yeah, I’ll see you around,” Kyler says from right in front of me, but it sounds distant as my focus is no longer on him and his bride. I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s time to get my girl. Being this close to her has been torture.

  “Congrats, and it was a pleasure meeting you, Dani,” I manage to get out while I make my way past the bride and groom.

  As I approach her, I feel the same nerves I felt the night of the homecoming game our sophomore year of high school when I finally gathered the balls to kiss the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I have to pray that me approaching her at the wedding is a good idea because she wouldn’t dare make a scene right now, right? Here’s hoping. I swallow deeply as I qui
ckly close the distance. The years may have changed us both, but I know that deep down, she has to be the same girl I fell in love with. My Lo.

  There was no way I imagined him in the church, right? It was definitely him, my Finn, although it’s been ten years since I’ve been able to call him mine. I can’t tell a lie and say that my eyes didn’t wander around the room as Hunter and I danced our way into the reception earlier, even though I told myself not to.

  Actually, I may have been searching for him the entire reception thus far, but when I come up empty each time, I began to think that I did imagine him. Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me with all this wedding and love stuff.

  After the bouquet toss, I excused myself to the restroom to splash my face with some water. I stare at my reflection in the mirror.

  I see a girl who, through all the heartbreak, managed to graduate grad school not only with a master’s degree in early education but with a 4.0 GPA. A girl who, even though she vomited in the parking lot on the day of her interview, was hired to teach second grade at Central Academy.

  I am a strong and determined woman. I am not weak; I am a fighter. And I am sure as hell not going to let the thought of seeing Finn Reynolds again break me down. I straighten my shoulders, adjust my dress, and make my way back to the reception.

  I stand against the doorway of the room leading to the party and observe everyone around me. Dani and Kyler are mingling with their guests, Kate is dancing with one of the groomsmen, and I also notice my mother standing there talking to Finn’s mom, Denise. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a dream. Perhaps he could be here. Did my mother know that he would be here? Did she keep that from me?

  I realize I am far too sober for this. Instead of joining my family and friends, I head toward the bar—it seems like the perfect place to hide. A little liquid courage never hurt anyone, right?

  I adjust my dress again—ugh, why did I settle for a strapless dress? I feel like my boobs are about to pop out—and rest my elbows on the bar, waving to the bartender who walks over to me. He’s cute, a little young for my taste. His boyish face makes him look like he is barely legal to be serving.

  “What can I get you,” the young bartender asks.

  “A glass of champagne, please.” He nods and grabs a glass, setting it down in front of me. I bring the glass to my lips and welcome the bubbly goodness on my tongue. I let the alcohol flow through my veins as I quickly chug the contents and signal for another. My drink is quickly refilled, and I’m playing with the stem of the glass, twirling it between my palms when I feel someone approach.

  “Give up on those super-sweet girly drinks, have you, Lo? I never thought I’d see the day.”

  My body instantly tenses. I quickly set the glass back down. Lo. I haven’t heard that nickname in years. He is the only one who has ever called me that. I close my eyes and try to even out my breathing. I can’t make a scene on my brother’s wedding day. My lip begins to quiver, but I refuse to cry any more tears over this man, and even more so, I refuse to let him see me cry, to show him he has any effect on me at all. Yet I know I can’t keep my promise that I won’t cry any more tears over him.

  I squeeze my eyes shut one last time before turning around to face him. Finn. I didn’t think my heart could beat erratically and stop at the same time, but that’s what this boy does. I see that he is no longer a boy in any way. He is all man. Why couldn’t he have gotten uglier over the years? I think he has gotten sexier, his shoulders broadened out, and I can’t help but notice the way he fills out his suit. He always looked good in suits. Back in high school, I loved game days when the football team would need to dress up. Damn, fate is cruel. My mouth is parched at the sight of him, but I can’t say the same for my panties.

  I turn back toward the bar and take a sip of my champagne, needing the buzz even more now.

  He steps up to the bar, taking the empty spot next to me. My breath hitches as his scent fills my nostrils, a smell that used to bring peace whenever it was near. Finn signals the bartender for a beer, and he quickly sets an opened bottle down in front of him.

  “What are you doing here?” I turn to face him, propping my elbow on the bar. I don’t want to spend this time making pleasantries. I could have taken the cordial route and been the bigger person, but seeing him after all these years brings back all the emotion. Emotions I haven’t felt in so long—the good and the bad, the beginning and the end of us.

  “I’m here for the same reasons you are.” He takes a sip of the beer, and I find myself staring at the bottle resting against his lips. My eyes linger as I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows the liquid. He looks over, and a smug smirk appears on his face when he catches me staring. I can’t decide whether I want to slap that look off his face or jump into his arms and kiss it off.

  “Yeah, no, I don’t think so. It wasn’t your brother who got married today.” My tone is clipped.

  Before I can continue, he cuts me off by stepping farther into my space, my back hitting the wooden counter. He places his hands on the bar on both sides of me, caging me in. His body is pressed up against me. Can he feel my heart beating out of my chest? Can he tell that my nipples are puckered at his closeness?

  I should escape, run away, faint, do anything to avoid conversation, but my feet are planted in place. This is the worst time for my head to let my heart take the lead. Look what happened the last time it did that. You’d think it would have learned.

  “Lauren, I don’t want to fight. I don’t know when we became hostile toward each other, but I promise I come in peace.”

  I became hostile when you moved on so quickly instead of working through our troubles. You told me that there would never be anyone else for you but me, but that wasn’t true. I did this, and now I have to live with the consequences. All I had to have done was say yes, and we could have had it all.

  He must be able to sense my tense body for his voice softens. I feel his hot breath on my ear as he leans down, and as much as I will my body not to react, a trail of goosebumps shimmies up my arms when he says, “Dance with me?”

  “I don’t think your girlfriend would like that.” The last time I saw him, he had another woman on his arm, kissing his cheek.

  He looks confused. “I don’t have a girlfriend.” I know he doesn’t have a wife because I already shamelessly looked at his finger, but Finn is a relationship kind of guy, the one in it for the long haul. Don’t look too much into it, Lauren. It doesn’t change things. I ignore my heart telling me, Now is your chance. Tell him you still love him, Lauren. Tell him everything.

  I hesitate. Finn steps farther up to me so that our bodies are now touching. He’s so close that I have to look up at him. “It’s just one dance, Lo.”

  I look toward the dance floor and pull the corner of my bottom lip between my teeth, contemplating my answer. I’ve never been able to resist Finn Reynolds—why start now? I can hear his voice in my head all the times he said, “C’mon, Lo, just one more…” One more smile, one more minute, one more kiss, one more orgasm. What’s one dance?

  I down the rest of the champagne and place the glass back on the bar. I know that my cheeks are flushed—I could easily blame that on the alcohol and not at the idea that I’m about to be in Finn’s arms once again. I turn to face him, holding one finger up. “One dance.”

  His smile widens, knowing that he won. Don’t fall for it, Lauren. That smile still seems to make me weak in the knees, and I hate it. ”One dance, I promise.”

  He extends his hand in my direction. I glance down first as if it were a snake ready to strike. He tries to set me at ease, confirming it’s just one dance. I place my hand in his, and my body comes alive. I never had my body react the way it does with Finn, no matter with all the guys I tried to date to forget about him.

  He leads me over to an opening on the dance floor before spinning me and pulling me to his chest.

  “Show-off,” I mutter under my breath but loud enough for him to hear me. His deep chuckle vibrate
s my body with his closeness. I tuck my head into the crook of his neck and close my eyes as he holds me, just like he did for all of those dances in high school I dragged him to.

  He holds me tighter as “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers continues to play, and I let him. In fact, I cling to him the same way I did at the airport, clutching to him as if he were my lifeline.

  Time stops. We are no longer in a church hall full of a hundred and some guests, but it’s just Finn and me. I don’t care who’s watching us, questions be damned later, as being in his arms just once is worth everything. But is it enough?

  The irony isn’t lost on me as I listen to the lyrics. I squeeze my eyes tighter to keep the tears at bay. Nothing compares to the feeling of being in Finn’s arms.

  “Lo.” The way he breathes my name fills me with life. His head is resting against the top of mine. I slowly lift my head meeting his gaze. Is he going to kiss me? Do I want him to? I swallow thickly as he closes the distance between us, and I close my eyes. I can feel his breath on my skin. His nose brushes against mine, and my heart is ready to jump out of my chest.

  “Lo, I lied. What if I want more than one dance?” His voice just above a whisper, but it screams to my heart. “I miss you.”

  My breath catches, and my eyes fly open. I feel as though the room is beginning to close. I can’t do this, especially today of all days. I slowly back away from him, needing the distance now more than ever. My bottom lip quivers, but I refuse to let him see me break.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”

  He takes a step toward me, and I keep pacing backward. “Lo, please.”