I Never Let You Go Read online

  “You can just keep ’em coming.” I slam the glass down.

  “Rough day?” she asks as she brings the bottle over, refilling my glass.

  “Something like that.” I’m not really in the mood for small talk. If I were, I would be sitting at my mother’s house right now, not on my way to a significant hangover tomorrow.

  After the second one I throw back, I decide it’s best to savor the next few.

  My phone vibrates again. I flip it over to see my sister calling for the third time. I ignore the call and flip it back over.

  “Seems like someone really wants to get a hold of you.” The bartender points in the direction of my phone.

  “I’m not really in the talking mood.” I press my forearms into the bar and hang my head low. The bartender takes the hint and moves on to serving other patrons. I keep to myself as the bar fills up with the after-work/happy-hour crowd.

  Hours pass, I’m not sure how long. My phone has since stopped vibrating, my mother and Kels giving up their attempt to reach me. I’m not surprised though. Women giving up on me—I’m used to it. At least that’s what Lauren did—gave up on us. Why did she say no? Why did she cut me out of her life? Weren’t we happy? I raise my glass in the air, toasting my father, wherever he may be. “Cheers, Dad,” I whisper to myself before throwing the rest back.

  The room spins. I stumble off the stool, bumping into the woman who was sitting next to me.

  “Hey, watch it!” She quickly gets up, and I notice her drink spilled in her lap. Oops.

  “I’m sorry.” I reach out and grab a stack of napkins from the bar and begin to pat her down in an attempt to help her clean up. I wish she would stop moving—or am I moving? Oh shit, are there two of her? Does she have a twin? Twins make me think of Lauren.

  Someone grips my arm, yanking me back. “Yo, buddy. How about you get your hands off my girl,” a gruff voice shouts.

  “I’m sorry.” I stumble again, slurring my words. “I was just trying to help.” I hold my hands up innocently.

  “Okay, hotshot, I’ve called you a cab, and it’s waiting outside.” The female bartender slips under my arm in an attempt to help me outside. “Come on. Let’s get you home, what do you say?”

  “Home. There’s only one place I consider home.”

  She giggles. “Well, then let’s get you there.”

  The cool breeze hits my face as I step outside the bar. A cab is waiting by the curb. The bartender escorts me to it, opening the door, and I fall into it. I slide up on the seat, trying to sit up, but end up more slouched over. A warm hand caresses my cheek. “You’re going to be okay. You just need to give him your address, okay?”

  I nod. The door closes, and I hear a thump on the top of the cab, but it doesn’t move.

  “I need to know where to take ya?” The cab driver lifts his brow expectantly.

  “Right, yeah, here.” I show him the address on my phone, and he plugs it into his GPS. When he pulls away from the curb, I rest my head against the seat. When I close my eyes, beautiful brown ones are beckoning me to the only place I’ve ever called home—to my girl.

  It’s been a few weeks since the run-in with Finn at my brother’s house. Getting him out of my mind has been anything but easy since I seem to see him everywhere, which is most likely why, as I enter Momento to meet my siblings for dinner, I look around the restaurant, searching.

  I am pretty sure that I have seen him more in the past few months since his return than I did the entire ten years since we split. I even went as far as once ducking into an empty classroom to avoid him when I saw him in the hallway talking with the principal at my school. I’ve told myself that each time I see him, it doesn’t bother me, but I’m not even sure I believe that anymore. If I didn’t care, then I wouldn’t feel that pang of disappointment when I don’t see him sitting here for dinner. My moment of weakness at my brother’s house where I cried in Finn’s arms slowly began chipping away the hard shell around my heart.

  “Lauren,” Kate calls out from our usual corner table. We have been coming here for five years since it opened, you would think they would put a “Reserved for Lawson Family” sign on it.

  I am just settling into my seat when our usual waitress, Piper, approaches.

  “The usual, folks,” Piper says more than asking. I guess it’s pretty bad when the waitress knows our typical orders by now. In our defense, I’m not sure we have ever ordered anything different, at least not drink-wise.

  My sister and I both agree at the same time. However, Dani looks at my brother with a weird look on her face. “Actually, can I make mine just a lemonade?” She smiles timidly back at us as if this is no big deal. I mean, I guess it’s not, but something is up with these two.

  “Sure thing, love.” The waitress repeats the order back before leaving.

  “What’s with the lemonade?” I ask.

  “Yeah, you’ve been ordering a glass of wine since your very first time meeting us here,” Kate joins in.

  Dani and Kyler share another suspicious look, having some sort of mental conversation, and my brain starts turning when they both smile and Dani nods.

  “Well, we have some news. I will be ordering lemonade for another seven months or so because…”

  “We’re pregnant,” they exclaim in unison, their voices laced with excitement.

  “Oh my God,” I say the same time Kate shouts, “Holy shit!” louder than necessary. People around us turn their heads.

  I give them an apologetic look, but I can’t keep the smile from my face. “Sorry, we just found out we’re going to be aunts!” I cheer, and the random strangers offer their congratulations before turning back to their table. Kate and I both stand to hug Kyler and Dani.

  “I’m so happy for you both,” I say as I pull my brother into a big hug.

  The waitress brings our drinks to the table as we’re retaking our seats. “To Baby Lawson.” I raise my glass to theirs, and we all clink them together.

  “Babies,” Ky says nonchalantly, but not able to hide his smile before taking a swig of his beer as he watches our reactions. My eyes widen, and I freeze midswig.

  However, Kate chokes on her drink and sets the glass down, wiping the spilled amber liquid from the sides of her mouth. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

  Kyler places his arm on the back of his wife’s chair. “I was correcting you. You said ‘to Baby Lawson.’ And it’s babies. Dani and I are having twins.”

  I look back and forth between my Dani and Ky. Their smiles reach their eyes.

  “Way to go, bro, super sperm.” Kate holds her hand up for a high five.

  I cringe, looking at Kate, and my expression matches Kyler’s. He stares at Kate’s extended hand but eventually caves and high-fives her when she pouts.

  “Can we not talk about my sperm at dinner? In fact, I would prefer you don’t talk about my sperm at all.” He laughs.

  “Hear, hear.” I raise my glass in the air. There is never a right moment to discuss my brother’s sperm. That’s just wrong.

  “Trust me, we were shocked too when we saw the sonogram,” Dani adds.

  “Wait? What? You have a sonogram and you haven’t brought it out? Seriously?” I reach my hands in front of me in a “give me” motion.

  Dani giggles and pulls out a small photo from her purse. “We just had our appointment last week. It’s been so hard to keep it a secret.”

  I snatch it out of her hands, and Kate and I crowd over the photo.

  “There’s Baby A and Baby B,” Ky points out.

  “I don’t see a dick on either of them unless it’s like micro size.” Kate squints, bringing the photo closer as if she were searching for the baby’s anatomy. I turn to my sister and wonder how we are even related before yanking the photo away from her.

  Dani is laughing uncontrollably. “It’s still too early to tell the gender. We’ve known for a few weeks but just had the sonogram. As long as they’re both healthy, that’s all that matters.”

&
nbsp; Kyler turns to Dani. “I love you so much,” he says before leaning in and pressing his lips to his wife’s mouth. Instead of quickly pulling away, she grips the back of his head and draws him closer, deepening the kiss. Awkward.

  Kate makes a gagging noise, and I laugh before I look back down at the photo, ignoring the fact that my brother and his wife have forgotten they are not alone.

  I stare at the photo and remember a time when Finn and I used to talk about kids. Why are you thinking about Finn again? What the fuck? I pass the photo to Kate and take a large swig of my drink, almost finishing it. Why is it that everything I do, I always have him on my mind? I don’t think I’ve thought of Finn as much as I have in the past few months than I have in all ten years we’ve been apart. Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true, but it sure feels like it.

  From the corner of my eye, I can see Kate looking wearily at me. She furrows her brows, but I turn and smile at her.

  “Sorry, it’s the hormones. I just can’t keep my hands to myself.” Dani fixes her hair, her cheeks flushed.

  “Clearly.” Kate laughs.

  “So, a honeymoon baby, then?” Not that I want to know all the details.

  “It would seem so,” Kyler says, adjusting himself in his chair.

  “Does Mom know?” I ask.

  Ky nods. “Yeah, we told her the other day when we were over there for dinner. Dani’s parents know too. And Zach and Haylee, who are also expecting.”

  “Oh, wow, so new babies everywhere.” I clap my hands together.

  “Wait, hold up.” Kate throws back her shot and slams it on the table. “You’re telling me that Mom, the Jacobses, and I assume the Hankses, Zach, and Haylee all know? So, what, we’re last to know? Are you kidding me?” Her tone may be harsh, but we all know she’s kidding.

  “Well, maybe if you guys hadn’t canceled last week, you wouldn’t have been last.” My brother glares at both of us.

  “It’s fine. We’re just happy for you guys.” I kick Kate under the table with a soft thud, and she jerks her head in my direction.

  “What the fuck,” she says at a more reasonable volume while reaching down to rub her shin. “What the hell was that for?”

  I stare at her intently.

  “Hey, I’m just glad it wasn’t me this time.” Kyler laughs, holding up his hands innocently,

  We spend the rest of the dinner laughing and joking. I am so excited to be adding not only one but two more additions to our family.

  Thoughts of becoming an official aunt consume me the entire drive home from the restaurant, and as I walk to my front door.

  I stop abruptly, the smile fading from my face as I see a dark shadow sitting on the front step, leaning against the railing post. Their head is down, leaning on their arms, but the closer I get, the more I can tell they’re a man from their size. I tense up, and my breathing is heavy.

  I quietly reach for the pepper spray in my purse along with my phone to call the police when the figure sways side to side and groans. The light catches the side of his face when he moves.

  “Finn?”

  He doesn’t respond, so I step closer to him. He’s not some intruder ready to rob me, so I put the pepper spray back in my bag. What is he doing here?

  I cautiously approach him. His head is back in his hands, and his phone is on the step beside him. I lower myself to his level.

  “Finn? What are you doing here?”

  “Huh?” He finally lifts his head, and I am almost knocked over by the stench of alcohol. I scrunch my nose in disgust but still stay close to him. His eyes are glassy and swollen as if he’s been crying. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I need to find out.

  I reach out and softly brush my fingers against his cheek, taking a seat next to him. “Finn, it’s Lauren. Are you okay?”

  He mumbles something before putting his head back on his arms.

  “Shit,” I mutter, standing and looking around. I don’t see Finn’s truck anywhere. How did he get here? What am I supposed to do? He is piss-ass drunk and on my doorstep.

  I could search his phone to find someone’s number, maybe his sister, but I have no idea what his passcode could be. I can’t just search him without permission. I guess I could call my brother to help, but I don’t want to interrupt their big night.

  I am pulled from my internal argument when all of a sudden, Finn sways side to side and falls forward, puking directly on my rosebush.

  “Shit!” I mumble loudly, racing forward to help him and running my hand in circles on his back. Okay, he can’t go anywhere. I need to get him inside. He can just sleep it off on the couch. This is the right thing to do, but every part of my mind is screaming, “This is a bad idea.”

  I crouch down again and gently place my hand on his arm. “Finn, I’m going to try to get you to stand, but I need you to help me, okay?”

  He grunts, and I’m going to assume that he was trying to say “okay.”

  “Oh, fuck.” I use all my strength to lift him. When I finally get him to stand, I extend his arm around my shoulders and put one of my arms around his waist.

  “Come on, Reynolds, I’m going to take you inside and let you sleep it off.”

  I manage to walk us to the front door and get my key out. Finn is so close that the smell of alcohol is almost nauseating. He grips my hips, and I jump when I feel his hard body pressed against my back, dropping my keys. He inhales my hair. “You smell nice.” I look up at him to see that his eyes are squinting, and I can’t help but wonder what happened to him.

  I eventually get the front door open, and while walking to the couch, he stumbles, missing a step and taking us both down to the sofa. Lying on his chest, I close my eyes for just a moment. Transported back to a time when this was home, I relish the feeling of being back in his arms.

  “I need to go back. I need to make this right. I love her so much,” Finn mumbles before his head drops to the side. I want to ask who he was talking to. Was he talking to me or about me? Does he have someone back in Seattle? I have a million questions I want to ask, but his breathing evens out, and slight snores indicate he has finally passed out. I quickly and gently climb out of his arms.

  I reach for the blanket that lies over the couch and cover him. “Good night Finn,” I whisper before kissing his forehead softly. He doesn’t stir, so I stand there for a moment, watching him sleep, wondering how different our lives would have been if I had only said yes.

  I groan at the heavy pounding in my head as I wake up from dreaming of having Lauren in my arms. The dream had felt so real that I thought her scent even enveloped me. I wipe the drool currently dripping out of my mouth. The pieces of last night are slowly coming together.

  I remember it was my father’s birthday.

  I remember the bar.

  I remember blowing my mother and sister off.

  I remember… I remember… Wait, how did I get home?

  I finally open my eyes and take in my surroundings. This is not Kelsey’s house. Where am I? I look around the room, and my eyes meet brown ones that I saw earlier in my dreams—Lauren.

  “My couch is getting used to people being drunk and passing out on it.” I wait for her to explain, but she doesn’t. Instead, she just pushes off the doorframe and walks toward the couch. I sit up and wonder not only how I got here but, more importantly, how did I end up with Lauren? Did I call her? No, how could I call her, I don’t have her number. Was she at the bar?

  I can’t recall anything past a few whiskeys. She takes a seat next to me and pulls her feet underneath her. I take her in—her brown hair is down in loose waves, indicating she probably slept with it in one of those messy bun things. Her face is bare of makeup, letting her few freckles show—that tells me that she has been recently out in the sun—and her oversized shirt hangs slightly off the shoulder, revealing her collarbone, and I would give anything to press kisses along it like I used to. When she brings her coffee mug to her lips, she makes a slight moaning sound, and I can’t help but ch
uckle. She always did love her coffee.

  The room may be spinning from last night’s alcohol, but I very well might be drunk off Lauren Lawson.

  “So, wanna talk about it?” she asks, bringing me back to reality from my thoughts. I meet her gaze for a moment before turning away, embarrassed that she saw me in this state.

  I place my head in my hands, staring at the floor. “I wish people would stop asking me that.” I snap a little too harshly and instantly regret it. I peep over at her and see her expression has dropped. Her tone was soft, not accusatory.

  Shit, she didn’t deserve that. I’m such an asshole. I don’t even know how I got here, and I’m snapping at her for my own selfish fucked-up reasons. I adjust so that I am now more facing her, my knee propped up on the cushion and my arm relaxed on the back of the couch.

  I go to speak, but she speaks first as she places her mug on the coffee table.

  “I’m sorry, I just meant did you want to explain as to why I came home to find you drunk off your ass sitting on my front porch. I tried to talk to you, but you were so out of it, and I had no idea where you live or hell how you even got here since your truck wasn’t outside, so my only other option was bringing you here.” She shrugs and looks away.

  Wow, I can’t believe she did that, but then again this is Lauren Lawson—she’s an angel to everyone. Now I feel even more of an asshole.

  “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to snap.” I look down at my hands, which are nervously rubbing together. “And thank you.” She smiles, and for just a moment, I see a glimpse of my Lo, the one who loved me with all her heart, not the angry Lauren at the reception.

  “So then you want to start talking, or should I just take you back to your vehicle, which is where, by the way?” When I remain silent instead of responding, Lauren stands, and I reach for her hand.

  When we touch, it’s electrifying. Her touch is reminds me of the brand it left on my skin so many years ago. I know she felt it too, by the way her lips part and she pulls back slightly. She looks back at me, and I nod my head for her to sit back down. I see the conflict in her head, not expecting me to want to talk, but I’ll take any moments I can get with her, and if that means talking, then so be it. Finally, she settles back where she was sitting but doesn’t say anything else. She waits for me to be ready to speak.