I Never Let You Go Read online

  “I want—” He stops and runs his fingers through this hair. “You know what? Never mind what I want.” His voice is quiet as he takes a step closer. “What do you want?”

  He tucks a stray hair behind my ear—a move so simple, yet natural for us.

  My gaze drops from his eyes to his lips. It would be so easy to grab the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. “I…I…” The words “I want you” are on the tip of my tongue, but I’m scared. The vision of Finn walking away in the airport is enough for me to settle on “I…I don’t know,” instead.

  He exhales loudly and grips the back of his neck as he takes a step backward. This is different than last time, Lauren, I tell myself over and over. You both aren’t the same people anymore. “Lauren, I know exactly what I want, and when you figure out what you want, call me. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Until then…”

  Finn takes one step forward and then another before he is standing right in front of me, and his lips press against mine. This kiss is gentle, but I can feel it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and everywhere in between.

  I want to grip his shirt and deepen the kiss—to know what Finn tastes like after all these years, but he breaks the kiss first. He places a quick kiss against my forehead. “I’ll be seeing you, Lo.”

  And with that, he is gone before I even open my eyes. I am then left alone on my front porch wanting more—wanting Finn, to be exact.

  When I pull up to the house, all the lights are off. Chase is at the station tonight. I quietly slip inside, not wanting to disturb Kelsey or Liam. My first stop is to the kitchen for a bottle of water. When closing the fridge door, I spot a note under a magnet. In my sister’s handwriting, I read, “Leftovers in the fridge. I hope you had a nice time with Lauren. -K”

  There is no way I could eat any more food tonight; the hunger I have can only be eased by Lauren. Damnit, why did I kiss her? Now that I had a taste, I can’t stop thinking about it. And it wasn’t even a full taste at that, just enough for me to crave more. If I had deepened that kiss, I wouldn’t need to fuck my hand later. My cock would be buried so deep in Lauren, we wouldn’t know where I ended and she began.

  When I got out of the truck to walk her to the door, I hadn’t planned on kissing her, it just sort of happened. When I asked her for what this was happening between us, what she wanted, and she responded, “I don’t know,” I saw it in her eyes. It was different this time than when she said no. There was an internal war in her mind that scared her. I put that fear there by allowing the distance to get between us, but not this time. I meant what I said that I’m not going anywhere, but I will give her time to think.

  Just thinking about my lips on hers has my cock growing hard in my pants. Once safely inside my room, I turn the lock on the knob, just in case. I discard my shirt on the floor and walk to the nightstand, reaching for the remote. A little background noise never hurt; my room might be at the end of the hallway away from everyone else’s, but I’m not taking any chances. I could have turned on porn, but I don’t need the images or sounds of two strangers. All I need is the thought of what would have happened had I stayed and the taste of her lingering on my lips to have my semi stand at attention. Which is why I select the first thing I find on TV and have the volume playing softly.

  I lie down on the bed, resting against the headboard, flicking the button open on my jeans and freeing my erection from my boxer briefs.

  The head is dark and angry, ready to burst. Precum is already leaking from the tip, that’s how bad I have it for this girl.

  I run my thumb along the slit, gathering my arousal before gripping my shaft with my fist. I close my eyes and hear Lauren’s voice asking me again, “Do you want to come in?” Fuck, yes, I do.

  I hoist her up by the back of her thighs and wrap them around my waist, carrying her inside. I kick the door shut with my foot.

  Back and forth.

  Back and forth.

  With my hands fastened in her hair, I claim her pouty lips, pulling the bottom one between my teeth. Her moan vibrates through me.

  Up and down.

  Up and down.

  I reach down, cupping her pussy over her jeans. As much as I want to be inside her tonight, I need to make her come first. I move my hand back and forth, creating friction of her jeans against her swollen clit. I can feel the heat coming off her. Her head falls back, giving me more access to nibble and suck my way down the pulsing vein in her neck.

  My breathing becomes more labored as my cock grows in my hard, seeking its release.

  “Oh fuck, I’m close,” I breathlessly mutter aloud.

  The speed of my fist increases as my balls tighten up to my body.

  “I’m gonna come.” Lauren begins riding my hand.

  “Me too, baby. Come with me.”

  “Lo,” I exhale the same time as she says my name in my fantasy, thrusting my pelvis into my hand, releasing my orgasm all over the ridges of my stomach.

  “Holy shit.” My heart is beating so fast, it may just beat right out of my chest. I drop my head against the headboard and wait for my breathing to go back to normal.

  If this was all from a fantasy, I’m not sure I will last long at all once I get a chance in real life.

  I reach for my discarded T-shirt on the floor and carefully clean up the mess on my stomach.

  I slip across the hall to the bathroom for a quick rinse off. Afterward, I wrap a towel around my waist and sneak back into my bedroom.

  I open the top drawer and retrieve a fresh pair of boxer briefs, but something catches my eye before I close it.

  I pull out the small black box and open the lid, revealing the diamond ring I bought for Lauren ten years ago. I hope one day this will make it on her finger and I didn’t keep it for nothing. Placing it back in the drawer and shutting it, I collapse on the bed, sated and fully relaxed. I’ll give Lauren a few days to realize we would be fools not to give this another shot, and then I will make her mine again. I fall asleep dreaming of all the ways we will spend making up for ten years of being apart.

  “Finn, I know this project is near and dear to you, but I’m just not sure how we are supposed to manage that along with our other jobs,” my sister says while we’re sitting at the conference table surrounded by contracts and files.

  “What are you saying?” I lean back in the chair, running my hand over my jaw.

  “I’m saying I think we need to bring someone else on. The workload is just going to be too much. You’ll run yourself ragged because I know you and you will want to oversee everything.”

  My sister had one thing correct—this project is important to me. Not only is it part of my father’s plans, but it’s also something I took and made my own, not to mention it’s at Lauren’s school. A chance to also do something important to her.

  There is a knock on the conference room door, and we both look up to see Chase standing in the doorway with Liam in his arms.

  “Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything, but we were hoping we could steal you away for lunch.”

  Is it lunchtime already?

  “Aww, thanks, Chase, I’d love to go to lunch, but don’t you think you should ask your wife instead?” I joke, earning me a slap to the back of the head. Kelsey laughs, shaking her head as she rises from her chair and walks over to join them.

  As soon as Liam sees his mom, he reaches out for her, and my sister’s face lights up.

  “So, can we take you to lunch?” Chase asks after kissing her briefly.

  “I don’t know. We’re kind of swamped.” I can see the internal battle in Kelsey’s mind, wanting to spend time with her family but also keep working. It’s written all over her face as she brings her bottom lip between her teeth.

  I stand to adjust my sleeves. “Kels, go to lunch with your family. I’ll clean all this up here, and we can meet up in a little bit.” My father built this business as a family man. He managed to not only run a successful business but also was there for Kels
ey and me whenever we needed him. He didn’t miss football games or dance recitals and was there for every dinner. We need to uphold that same standard.

  “Are you sure?” she asks, tilting her head to the side and pulling her necklace from Liam’s grasp.

  “Yeah, go. Remember, as you always remind me, I’m the boss, and that’s an order.”

  She walks over and presses up to kiss my cheek before looking down at my nephew. In her baby-talk voice, she coos, “Isn’t Uncle Finn the best?”

  Chase wraps his arm around his wife’s lower back. “You want anything, man?” he asks over his shoulder.

  I look up as I shuffle papers around. “Yeah, sure. Surprise me.”

  With that, they are out the door, and I am left alone surrounded by work. I make my way back to my office and check my phone. Still nothing from Lauren.

  My fingers itch to text her, but it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. I said I would give her time. If she hasn’t worked through whatever it is and I push her, I might undo any progress we have made and push her in the wrong direction. But after last night, with a glimpse of what we could be, I’m not sure how much time I can last.

  I busy myself in my work, going through budgets and schedules.

  An hour and a half later, I’m standing in my sister’s office doorway, keeping quiet as I watch Kelsey and Chase sit on the floor playing with Liam. I observe the smile on her face, and I know what I need to do. Dad left this company to me, and Kelsey’s words ring loud and clear in my ear. We need help! She has a family, and when Lauren comes to her senses, I am going to want to spend as much time with her as I can.

  Kelsey finally looks up and helps Liam wave to me. “Look, it’s Uncle Finn!” She laughs as he gets excited, clapping his hands together. This kid is growing up way too fast.

  I walk into her office and crouch down next to where they sit. “Hey, munchkin.” He smiles at me. While everyone’s attention is focused on Liam, I look between my sister and brother-in-law.

  “I want to bring someone else on as my right-hand man. Someone I trust.”

  My sister looks up in shock. “So, it sounds like you already have someone in mind.”

  I nod. “I do, I’m also going to need you to cover things for a day or two here.”

  “Why, where are you going?”

  “Seattle.”

  There is only one man I can think of that I trust enough to bring this on, who could see my vision for not only this project but all other ones and could execute it just as I would—Jax.

  I kiss her on the top of her head and then my nephews. I rise to my feet and slap Chase on the back.

  I give one last glance to my family, and the corners of my mouth curve upward as I imagine not only working side by side with my sister and my best friend, but Lauren sitting on my office floor with our future kids.

  When I lost Lauren and then my dad, I lost my way. But the hope that that vision brings gives me a sense of peace and happiness. I think I could like that life.

  On the way back to my office, I stop by Natasha’s desk and ask her to book me on a flight to Seattle. Within ten minutes, she lets me know that I’m leaving in two hours—just enough time to go home, pack a quick bag, and make it to the airport.

  I stare at my phone and still see no new messages from Lauren. First things first. I fly to Seattle and get Jax to agree to move him and Andy out here, and then I come home and get the girl.

  I knew there was only one person I wanted for the job when Kelsey said we would need to bring someone new in. Jaxon McAdams, my best friend and right-hand man. Adjusting to not only a new life in Seattle but a new life without Lauren in it, I found comfort in my friendship with Jax.

  It was as if all the stars were aligning to have someone there with me for when I lost Lauren and then later lost my dad. I stood beside him as his best man when he and Courtney got married and was there for the birth of my godson, Andy, which turned out to be the best and worst day of Jax’s life. The day his son was brought into this world, his wife left it. Courtney passed away from a brain aneurysm during childbirth.

  I look up to Jax, just like I had my father. The strength in that man is astounding after watching him deal with not only becoming a new dad but mourning the loss of his wife. It wasn’t just about him anymore; he had to be strong for Andy too. Leaving Jax and coming home was one of the hardest things I had to do. Not harder than leaving Lauren, but it is up there. I helped raise that little boy, and it’s been hell being away from him.

  Being somewhere new, I think it is precisely what he needs, and I hope that I can convince him enough to take the offer—to leave the ghosts behind and start fresh.

  The Uber pulls up to Jax’s townhouse just outside of the city. He had moved out of the apartment building about two years ago. I don’t blame him—there were too many memories.

  I knock on the door and hear heavy footsteps running, followed by my best friend’s voice yelling at Andy to not run in the house.

  The door opens, and I feel so much better. “Uncle Finn!” A four-year-old body plows right into me with enough force that could have knocked me over. I wrap Andy in my arms and lift him.

  “Hey, buddy! Oh my goodness, you’ve gotten bigger than I last saw you.” I give him my biggest bear hug before I attempt to set him down, but he refuses to unlink his arms from around my neck. He is just dangling from my body as I cross the threshold into my best friend’s house.

  “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Finn’s here,” he shouts.

  “I can see that. Why don’t you let Uncle Finn go so he can breathe?” Jax appears in the hallway.

  When Andy finally releases his hands from around my neck, I rub the back of my neck. Phew, that kid is seriously getting heavy.

  I step up to Jax and slap his back in a manly hug. “Hey, man, how you doing?”

  “It’s going.” He pauses and looks over his shoulder at Andy, who is gathering a handful of toys, no doubt to bring over to show me. “We’re getting by. Miss you around the office and here.” He gestures over to the couch, and I follow. “What about you? Not that I’m complaining seeing your ugly mug, but why do I see your ugly mug?”

  Andy stumbles over, dropping toy after toy that he overflowed in his arms. He drops them all at my feet before picking what I assume are his two favorites and climbs up on the couch next to me and snuggles into me.

  “Check out dis one, Uncle Finn.” Andy holds up his little blue truck.

  “Wow, that’s so cool, buddy. Hey, is it okay if I talk to your dad for a minute? Why don’t you go set up a parking lot with your trucks, and I’ll be right over to play?”

  Jax watches me. He knows me too well that planning a random visit during the week is out of character for me. Might as well rip off the Band-Aid. I exhale.

  “So, I have a proposition for ya.”

  Jax leans over on his elbows, resting on his knees, and clasps his hands. “Okay…”

  “Things at work are going really well. We’ve kept up with current jobs, and I even managed to take on a huge project working with a local school that I think can take off and we can partner with other schools. But after discussing it with Kels, I need to bring on someone new to be my VP of the company to help run things, and I can’t think of a better man for the job than you.”

  “Holy shit, VP? Dude, I’m just an associate architect. What the fuck do I know about running a company.”

  I hold my hand up to stop him from getting inside his head. “You can do this. There is no person I trust more with my business than you. We were a team here; I miss those days, Jax. It was me and you against the world. Think of all we could take over.”

  “Wait, you mean like run from here? I’m not sure I’m following you, man. That seems like something that should be done locally.”

  “Actually, no. I want you to relocate to Pennsylvania.”

  Jax stands and paces back and forth while looking around at his house and down at his son. He grips the back of his neck, concerned. “Finn
, I don’t know. I mean, my life is here.”

  “Come on. Andy isn’t in school yet. Lauren and I are there.” What can I say, I’m hopeful of her decision. “My sister and her family are there. My mom is there. There are so many people there to help you out with Andy. I hate being so far away from the two of you. It’s a great job, great benefits, and being the boss man, we can work around your hours so that it doesn’t interfere with Andy. We can even work it out so you can work from home if necessary. This project would become yours.”

  I see the wheels turning in his head as he thinks it over. I don’t want to play this card, but I know that it’s weighing heavy on his mind. “I know you want a fresh start. You couldn’t handle the apartment, so you moved, but Court is going to be with you no matter where you are, man. At least this way you have all of us to help you. You can’t do this all on your own. Let me help you, help me. Plus, I didn’t spend all day on a plane just for you to tell me no.”

  Jax sinks back in his seat and sighs heavily, and Andy runs over to him.

  “You okay, Daddy?” he asks in his innocent voice. I just want to bottle him up. Come on, Jax, say yes.

  He nods. “Yeah, buddy, I’m okay. What do you think about living close to Uncle Finn again?”

  Andy turns back to me. “You’re coming back?”

  I smile at him. “No, what do you think about coming and seeing where I live?” Of course, I would need to move out of my sister’s house first.

  Andy’s eyes go wide, and I can finally let out the breath I’ve been holding since I touched back down in Seattle. “Really, Uncle Finn? Does that mean we can have sleepovers and watch Toy Story and even play dinosaurs?”

  I nod. “You got it.”

  Andy jumps up and down. “Daddy, did you hear that? Uncle Finn and I are gonna play dinosaurs!”

  He throws his hands up like a T. rex and gives his best dinosaur roar before stomping around the living room. We both sit back watching Andy terrorize the room looking more like Godzilla, but hey, who am I to deny the kid’s fantasy.