I Never Let You Go Read online

  Lauren’s eyes widen, and she fails at hiding the smile taking over her face. “Oh my God, seriously?” I nod. “You have no idea how many times I have tried to mimic this recipe and could never get the spices right.”

  “You know I can’t tell you that—Reynolds family secret.” I wink and turn back to opening the rest of the containers. “And I assume you are still a fan of tomato, mozzarella?”

  I grab utensils out of the bag and set them down before dragging a chair over, taking a seat next to her.

  When I look up again, Lauren is staring at me, lost in thought.

  “You going to join or just stare at me eating all this food because let me tell you, my stomach was growling the entire time I made it this morning.”

  She shakes whatever thoughts were taking over her mind as she scoots forward. When our eyes meet again, I notice the glassiness in her eyes. I place my hand over hers. “What’s wrong? Are you angry with me or upset?” Did I mess this up? Bring up too many memories?

  “No, these aren’t sad or angry tears. They’re traitorous tears,” Lauren laughs and wipes her eyes. “I just can’t believe that you did all of this.” She pulls her hand from mine and extends it over the assortment of food I prepared. “You went through all of this, and I didn’t do anything.”

  I shake my head. “No, you did.” Her head tilts to the side as I take a bite of macaroni salad. “You said ‘okay.’”

  There’s that blush again. I settle back into my seat as she searches for something. I spy the napkin-wrapped fork and pick it up, holding it out for her.

  “You really did think of everything, didn’t you?” Our fingertips slightly touch as she takes it from my grasp, and it takes everything in me not to link our fingers together.

  Lauren finally dives into her container of macaroni salad. I can remember numerous family gatherings where Lauren went back for two or three helpings of this.

  I know I did well when she not only does a little happy dance in her chair with her eyes closed, but she closes her eyes and lets out the tiniest moans. I try to adjust myself without her noticing. When I see her eyes are still closed, I know I’m safe.

  “I take it I make it just as good as Grandma Rose? I’ll be sure to pass on the compliment.”

  Her eyes flash open locked on mine, and she shrugs, “Eh, it’s okay,” she jokes.

  We are back to comfortable joking between the two of us, and she even tries to steal a shrimp from my container. It’s as if no time has passed.

  “So how do you like being an uncle?” she asks, taking another forkful of food.

  “It’s great. I mean, Liam isn’t even one yet, but I know that when he’s older, I’ll get him all hyped up on sugar and then return him.”

  She laughs and covers her mouth, keeping the food inside. “That’s how I feel about Emme.”

  “She was the flower girl at your brother’s wedding, right?”

  She nods. “Yeah, that’s Dani and Kyler’s niece. Emme is the daughter of Dani’s brother, Zach, and his wife, Haylee.”

  I set my napkin back down on the desk after wiping the sides of my mouth. “Ahh, yes, the best man and matron of honor.”

  “Wow, you really were paying attention at the wedding, huh?”

  Please let my honesty not bite me in the ass. “Well, I had to do something to keep myself busy so that I didn’t just storm over to you and make a fool of myself.”

  She laughs again, and I join in because that’s precisely what I did.

  “Emme is like my pseudo niece. Typically, Dani and Kyler will watch her if Zach and Haylee want to have a date night or something, but just before the wedding, Kate and I had her overnight for the first time, and it was just…” She trails off in thought.

  Is she thinking about her being a mom because I sure am—picturing her belly swollen with child; her smiling down at the child in her arms swaddled in a blanket and reading a book; a toddler with hair just like Lauren’s balanced on her hip dancing around? In all those years apart, I’ve only ever wanted all of this with her.

  Her voice pulls me out of my thoughts. “I still can’t believe Dani and Kyler are expecting twins.”

  “Wait. What? Did you say Kyler is going to be a dad? And with twins?”

  “Fuck!” She covers her face. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Please don’t say anything.”

  “Don’t worry. It will be our secret. And when Ky does tell me, I’ll act surprised.” I wink, and she smiles.

  “How long have they known?”

  “Not long. Well, a few weeks, I guess. They just told Kate and me the other night. Actually, the night you showed up on my porch.” I guess she could say that she had quite a memorable night, then. “How is it that our younger siblings are old enough to be parents?” She plays with the food in one of her containers before stabbing a piece with her fork, bringing it to her lips.

  “Yeah, it seems like just yesterday they were kissing in the treehouse in your backyard, and now they’re both parents.” I chuckle.

  Lauren chokes on her bite and coughs. I jump up, leaning over to assist her, but she waves me off and takes a sip of her water. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

  I retake my seat once she has composed herself. I wrap my lips around my teeth. Oops. I guess we’re sharing all sorts of secrets today. “Our siblings were each other’s first kiss.”

  She seems rather amused. “Wow, and how do you know this?”

  I give her a cocky smirk. Something catches my attention just under her eye. “That’s because I know all. Lo, you have a—”

  She frantically wipes her mouth, thinking she has food on her face. “Did I get it?”

  “No, here let me.” I lean forward, flexing my thumb. I hear her suck in a breath at my closeness. Instead of wiping her mouth though, I drag my thumb across her cheek, swiping an eyelash. The touch is again electrifying; I linger just a moment longer. I carefully bring my thumb with the eyelash still on it to rest against her soft lips. The feel of her breath on my skin leaves a trail of goosebumps on my arm that only she can cause.

  “Make a wish.”

  My eyes shoot open, meeting his gaze. I swallow thickly, recalling every time that he would wipe my fallen lashes and tell me to make a wish. I would close my eyes and make a wish, and before I could reopen them, he would kiss me. When we would break apart, he would joke, saying, “I knew you wished for me.”

  Closing my eyes again, I make a wish. I wish… I wish—my breathing escalates—I wish things were different for us.

  When I open my eyes, Finn is still so close. I don’t miss his eyes dropping down to my lips before coming back to meet mine. My tongue darts off to lick my bottom lip with my mouth as dry as the Sahara, although I definitely can’t say the same for my panties.

  How long we stay there, I’m not sure—one second, one minute, forever? He clears his throat, breaking the staring contest, and he scoots his chair farther away. When our eyes meet again, they’re filled with sympathy. He nervously adjusts himself on the seat. “Sorry, old habits die hard.”

  I shake off the disappointment. Why am I disappointed? Did I seriously want Finn to kiss me just then? I mean, we’re in my classroom.

  Am I seriously arguing with myself more over the location versus him actually kissing me?

  My phone buzzes with the alarm I set, letting me know my lunch break would be over soon and the kids would be back.

  “Thank you for all of this, Finn.” I stand and begin to clean up. We both reach for the containers at the same time. When our hands touch, I quickly pull back and laugh awkwardly. The air between us is suffocating, full of sexual tension and spark. I feel like I should open a window to air it out before my students arrive.

  “Here, I’ve got these. Why don’t you gather up the trash?” He smiles, easing the tension that has been building all lunch.

  Finn is just putting the last of the containers back in the bag when the classroom door opens, and students begin pouring in. They stare at Finn
as he stands there next to my desk.

  “Do you have a question, Julian?” I ask the little blond boy with shaggy hair who has his hand raised patiently.

  “Miss Lawson, is this your boyfriend?” he asks softly, probably wondering why there’s a strange man they have never seen before in my classroom.

  “My sister has a boyfriend; they kiss a lot. It’s gross,” Dana interrupts, making a gagging face.

  I can’t help but laugh before clearing my throat and look to Finn for guidance. Why am I searching for an answer? We’re just friends.

  “No—I mean, I’m a boy, and I’m Miss Lawson’s friend—but no, I’m not her boyfriend.” Finn swoops in and saves the day. The tone of his voice changed though, and when he peeks over at me, I see a look of longing in his eyes. “I just brought Miss Lawson lunch since I hear she has been working so hard with you guys. I thought she deserved something special, don’t you guys?”

  The class cheers, and I shake my head. I see what he’s doing—trying to sway me through my students. Well played, Reynolds, well played.

  “Did you give Miss Lawson those pretty flowers the other day?” Nikki speaks up from the front row.

  Finn shoves his hands in his pockets. “I did.” If he is nervous at all by the interrogation of my students, he doesn’t show it. In fact, he looks proud of himself that even my students noticed his kind gesture.

  “My daddy gives my mommy flowers a lot. She says he still needs to sleep on the couch though. Do you have to sleep on Miss Lawson’s couch?” she asks innocently.

  Finn chuckles. Can he feel my eyes on him? Do not be honest, Finn. My students do not need to know that yes, you have slept on my couch.

  “No, I don’t have to sleep on Miss Lawson’s couch.”

  It’s my turn to swoop in and save the day. “Well, why don’t we let my friend Finn here”—I emphasize the word friend—“get back to work.” I think this is the first time I have publicly called Finn my friend, and I have to be honest and say I don’t like the way it makes me feel, as if all the beautiful memories we once shared never happened.

  Finn leans back on the corner of my desk, crossing his ankles, and pulls out his phone. “I have some time. I’m not in a rush to get back to the office. After all, I am the boss.”

  Of course he’s not in a rush.

  I sigh, knowing that he has his mind made up.

  Another student raises their hand. “Yes, Brody, do you have a question?”

  “You said you’re a boss. What do you do?”

  I extend my hand in front of me, allowing Finn to take the floor. We have a few moments to spare before getting back to our schoolwork.

  Finn removes his hands from his pockets and sets them behind him, relaxing back on them.

  “Well, I’m an architect. Do you know what that means?”

  “Does that mean you build arks?” Nikki shouts from the back. Finn and I both laugh.

  “Not exactly. I draw buildings to design them.” He pauses. “But now, I do more overseeing of projects and things being built, but I still draw all the time. I guess it’s my passion.”

  I can see the emotion beginning to take over him. “Finn is really good at what he does. In fact, one of the best.” I hope he knows that I mean every word of it.

  “So, you like to draw?” Julian chimes in again.

  “I love to draw. I was probably around your guys’s age when I started drawing buildings.” The way his face lights up as he is talking to the kids about his passion is truly remarkable. “Does anyone in here love to draw?”

  More than half of my students raise their hands with smiles on their faces.

  “Miss Lawson, have you seen him draw before?” Alley asks.

  I take a seat next to Finn on the edge of my desk, our thighs barely touching. “I have, and he is very talented.”

  “Even better than your sister, Miss Lawson?” Brody laughs.

  I bring my forefinger to my lips. “Shh, don’t tell Miss Kate that when she stops by next.”

  I glance at Finn, and he is staring in shock at me.

  Finn continues to talk about his job for a few more minutes with the class holding every student’s attention. There isn’t much these days that aren’t Beyblades, Pokémon, or fairies that catch a seven-year-old’s attention, but he has. I watch in awe at him with them, and their eyes trained on him.

  “Okay, class, why don’t we thank Mr. Reynolds for taking the time to talk to us, and maybe he can come back soon.”

  The light in his eyes matches mine as he nods and tells the class he would love to come back. Can he feel this comfortableness between us?

  Finn grabs the bag from our lunch, and the entire class says goodbye to him. He waves as I escort him to the door.

  “Thank you for bringing me lunch,” I softly say, turning my body away from my students as he exits the classroom.

  “Thank you for letting me.”

  I give him a quick hug before I allow myself to get lost in the moment and possibly say something stupid.

  “I’d be open to doing it again. You know, if you wanted.” Something stupid like that.

  “Yeah, me too,” he responds, unsure if he means both the lunch and the classroom visit. I surprise myself by meaning both. “Enjoy the rest of the day, Miss Lawson.”

  “Bye, Finn.” I give a small wave and turn back to my students as laughter and “oohs and aahs” have taken over. “Okay, class, quiet down.”

  At the end of the day, as the kids are leaving, I pull my phone out of my purse and see text messages from Finn around the time he left.

  Finn: Thank you for today.

  Finn: I hope whatever you wished for comes true.

  I stare at my phone and wonder that he might be right.

  “You know I could have driven myself, right?” Kate says, closing the car door and settling into the passenger seat of my car.

  “Yeah, I know, but I just want to spend some time with my sister.”

  Kate rolls her eyes as I back out of the driveway. “I don’t see why Mom didn’t want to go out for her birthday. Who wants to cook on their birthday?”

  “Because it’s Mom’s day and she gets to do whatever she wants, and we have to go along with it. She wants all her kids back under one roof and to cook a big meal, so that’s what we do.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Kate salutes, laughing.

  Sitting at a red light, Kate messes with the music while I get lost in thought, staring out the window.

  Since our lunch, Finn and I have continuously texted. It’s usually talking about our days and things my students said or more cute photos of his nephew, but other times we talk just to talk. Finn said he wanted to get to know the person I’ve become, and that’s what we’re doing. He learned that cookies-and-cream milkshakes got me through grad school studying, I saw Inside Out twice in theaters and cried like a baby both times, and that I picked up baking tips from spending time with my sister-in-law, who is a beast in the kitchen.

  The biggest thing that has changed about Finn is that he now likes sushi, which makes me laugh since he would gag every time we went to an Asian restaurant and I would order it.

  While some things have changed, he is still the same old Finn in a lot of ways—one who can eat an entire meat-lover’s pizza on his own in one sitting, listens to country music 24/7, and can put a smile on my face, even when I don’t want to. I’m quickly falling down the “Finn Reynolds Rabbit Hole,” and I’m not sure I can stop this.

  My lips curve upward as I remember our conversation just before I left to pick up Kate, where he was telling me that he spilled coffee all over his khakis this morning and had to walk around with stained pants throughout the day.

  “Hey, what’s up with you?” My sister pokes me in the side, breaking me from my thoughts.

  “Huh?” My head snaps to her.

  She points in front of her toward the streetlight. “It’s green.”

  “Oh yeah.” I begin to drive. My hands tighten their grip o
n the steering wheel as I turn onto my mother’s street.

  I can feel my sister’s eyes on me. I nibble on my lip, nervous about facing her.

  “Something’s up with you. You seem…” I glance over at her as she takes me in. “Different. You had a goofy look on your face a moment ago like you were somewhere far away from here.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I try to admit, but my voice cracks. I have no doubt my sister knows I’m lying since she already admitted that she knows how bad I am at it, but she doesn’t push the topic.

  Why am I so nervous about telling her that Finn and I are friends again? She seems to be the biggest supporter of ours. I guess I’ve just been scared of what this is, what it could mean, and where it might lead.

  It’s not the thought of Finn and me being friends again that scares me—we were best friends for fuck’s sake. It’s what that friendship once led to before that terrifies me. Being friends with Finn Reynolds once led straight to heartbreak, and the thought of going down that road again should have me running in the opposite direction, not wondering and waiting for his next text message to appear.

  I pull into Mom’s driveway and turn the car off but make no move to get out of the vehicle. Kate goes to open the door, and I reach for her arm to stop her. She turns back to me, confused.

  “So, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  Of course, at that very moment, my phone vibrates from the cup holder between us, Finn’s name on bright display.

  My eyes slowly lift to Kate’s face, her eyes wide at the name recognition. We both stare at it as if it were too hot to touch and lunge for it at the same time. Kate is one second faster. Slowly turning toward me with raised eyebrows, she holds my phone out, facing me. Why couldn’t that text message have waited just a few moments or till after I had told her, or be from anyone but him? Yep, fate is definitely cruel.