I Never Let You Go Page 8

  “It’s getting late, and I have some things to do at home.” Like drinking wine by myself. “Thanks for dinner.” I hug my sister-in-law before grabbing my purse.

  “Welcome home, Ky.” I give my brother another brief hug.

  “Really, you don’t have to leave,” he says, but I’ve already begun walking to the door.

  When I pass Finn, he opens his mouth to say something, but I just give him a weak smile before slipping out the front door.

  Once outside, I can finally breathe. The cool air stings my eyes as they begin to fill up. Come on, Lauren, don’t cry until you’re in the car.

  I’m halfway to my car when I hear a voice shout, “Lauren, wait.” I wish my body didn’t react the way it does at the sound of his voice. I should have been running to my car to get away, yet I’m frozen in time, waiting to hear what he’ll say next.

  When Kyler insisted on me following him home to give me one of the many bottles of rum he had brought back from his honeymoon, I had no idea I was about to walk into a storm.

  The last person Lauren expected to walk into her brother’s house clearly wasn’t me. She scurried out of there so fast that I’m impressed that she didn’t leave smoke in her wake.

  Kyler greeted his wife as Lauren closed the front door behind her. I couldn’t let her leave like this. I don’t want her to feel that I’m bombarding into every aspect of her life—that is not the case. I don’t want her feeling like I knew she was here or doing this on purpose.

  Kyler and Dani are whispering, so I excuse myself from the room quietly and follow her out the door. She is halfway to her car when I shout, “Lauren, wait up.” She freezes, allowing me to catch up. That must mean something, right?

  “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I had no idea that you were here. Ky and I were out catching up, and he said that he had brought home a bunch of bottles of rum and offered me one. That’s all.”

  She sniffles softly. Is she crying?

  I spin her in my arms just as she is wiping under her eyes with her sleeve.

  “What’s wrong?” She avoids eye contact, so I ask again, “Lauren, what’s wrong?”

  Her voice is soft. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”

  I cradle her head in my hands, forcing her to look up at me. “It’s not stupid; it’s not nothing if it upset you. You know you can talk to me, right?”

  She nods, not breaking eye contact this time. I could easily kiss her right now, but that’s not what she needs.

  She settles against my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. Not caring that we’re in the middle of her brother’s yard, I hold her in my arms. For just those few moments, we’re back to being Lo and Finn, and I relish in the feeling of having her in my arms, her head rising along with my steady breath.

  I whisper in her hair before letting her out of my hold. “I’m not going anywhere, Lauren. You can always talk to me.”

  “I know. I just wish it was that simple” is her only response before she slips out of my arms and walks to her car.

  I watch her drive off, giving her a small wave before I turn around and head back into Kyler’s. I’m not sure what just happened here, but whatever it was, I look at it as a step in the right direction.

  When I make it back to the front door, I notice Kyler standing in his doorway. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to come back in.”

  “Thought about it,” I chuckle. I follow Ky back into his house. “Where’s Dani?” I stay in the living room as he heads into another room.

  Kyler walks back into the room with a bottle in hand. “She was tired, so she went off to bed.”

  “Well, I won’t keep you from the missus too long.” I wink, and he laughs. I accept the bottle from him and turn toward the front door.

  “Hey, Finn,” Ky calls out.

  “Yeah?” I spin around to face him.

  “Just remember what I said about Lauren, okay?”

  “Got it.” Trust me. I won’t forget anything when it comes to Lauren Lawson. “Thanks for the rum,” I say, holding the bottle up. “Tell Dani I said sorry for barging in. Have a good night, Kyler.”

  I close the door behind me and head back home.

  Most of the lights are off when I return home, so I gently close the front door. I set the bottle of rum on the table with my keys.

  “How was your night?” I jump back, nearly knocking over the lamp.

  “Fuck, Kels, what the hell are you doing sitting in the dark?” I clutch to my chest as my eyes adjust to the darkness.

  “Shh! I just got Liam back to sleep.” It’s then I notice the adorable bundle lying on her chest. She adjusts my nephew as I walk farther into the living room, taking a seat on the couch next to her.

  “So, how was your hot date with Kyler?”

  “Ha. Ha. It was good.” I decide not to bring up what happened back at his house—that would just open an entirely new can of worms with Kels right now. “He sure has grown up. We had a nice time reliving old memories like, you know, when you and him made out in the Lawson treehouse?”

  “What!” she whisper-yells, as Kelsey calls it. It’s her version of being angry but in a soft tone as not to wake the baby. “That little shit. We promised never to speak of that ever again. And I wouldn’t even call it a make-out session. Seriously? That’s what he said?”

  I cover my mouth with my palm to cover up my laughter. “No, I’m just kidding. Kyler said it was a quick peck. Still can’t believe you never told methat Kyler Lawson was your first kiss.”

  She shrugs playfully. “Oh, whatever. You were a little busy back then. Plus, it was nothing.” I guess I was a little more preoccupied back then. My life was all football and Lauren. And now it’s just…well, I’m not sure what it is now.

  Liam stirs and begins to make the softest whimper. My sister throws her head against the back of the couch, groaning.

  I stand, moving in front of Kelsey and taking Liam from her arms.

  Her head shoots up in surprise. “What are you doing?”

  I tilt my head toward the stairs. “Go to bed. I’ll sit with this little man and rock him to sleep.”

  Her tired eyes widen. “You can’t be serious.”

  I smile down first at my nephew and then at her. “Of course I am. That’s why I’m here—to help out. Now spend time with your husband. I saw his truck in the driveway, so I know he’s home from the firehouse. Go!”

  She doesn’t hesitate. Kels rises to her feet and kisses my cheek and the top of Liam’s head.

  “You’re the best, bro.”

  “I know.”

  I stand there for a few moments, mesmerized by this perfect bundle of joy in my arms as I hear my sister’s footsteps go up the stairs.

  “Mommy and Daddy need some alone time, so it’s just you and me, kiddo,” I whisper so as not to disturb him.

  I decide to stay downstairs with him versus going upstairs to his nursery, which is right next door to my sister and brother-in-law’s room.

  Liam is the perfect combo of Kelsey and Chase. My mind drifts to where Lauren and I would be had we not broken up.

  Would this be our son or daughter in my arms that I’m rocking to sleep?

  Would they look more like Lauren or me?

  Would we have other children running around?

  “I’m going to win her back, Liam. Uncle Finn is going to get the girl.” Liam, of course, doesn’t say anything back since he, of course, can’t talk yet, but in his sleep, his mouth curves upward as if he were smiling. I think he agrees with my plan.

  I awkwardly reach for the remote on the coffee table without disturbing Liam and turn on an episode of The X-Files on Netflix.

  I’m halfway through my second episode when I hear footsteps walking down the stairs. I turn to see Chase putting his arms through the sleeves of his T-shirt.

  “What are you doing down here?” I ask. “I sent Kelsey upstairs to you. I can take care of Liam on my own.

  “Ha.” He bellows out a
deep laugh. “Oh, I know you sent Kels upstairs. She’s now passed out.”

  I grimace while he smiles wide. “Gross, dude.” I reach for the pillow next to me and toss it in his direction.

  He throws his arms up, catching the pillow. “What? How do you think that little one in your arms got here? Didn’t you learn anything in health class?” He disappears into the kitchen.

  “I must have skipped that day.” I shake my head. “What are you doing down here anyway? Shouldn’t you be asleep too?”

  Chase returns with two beers in his hand. He twists the top of one and sets it in front of me before settling on the other side of the couch, propping his feet on the coffee table. “Nah, I’m still a little hyped up from my shift to go to sleep, so I figured I would come down here and hang with the boys instead of turning the TV on upstairs and disturbing her.”

  I genuinely admire Chase for his line of work. Being a firefighter is no easy task. I don’t think I could ever do what he does—walking into buildings, not sure if you are going to come out.

  I finally notice the T-shirt he’s wearing. It’s a black T-shirt that says, “I Put Out” with a fire extinguisher.

  “Classy shirt.”

  “Thanks, Kels got it for me last Christmas. It’s true, in case you were wondering.”

  I shake my head, silently laughing. “Again, can we talk about anything other than yours and my sister’s sex life?”

  I adjust Liam in my arms, making sure not to disturb him. I feel like I could be a creeper for how much I stare at him when he’s sleeping. Lord, help me if I have kids of my own one day. And once again, my mind drifts back to Lauren. Picturing her belly swollen and holding our child.

  “You know, I can take him from you,” he says, settling on the other side of the couch.

  “Nah, I’ve got him. No need to disturb him. It was kind of my fault that he woke up after Kels had gotten him back to sleep.”

  “I don’t even wanna know. So how was your night? I hear you were out with Lauren’s brother.”

  “Yeah. It was good.” Until I was left confused in the middle of Ky’s front yard.

  “Then why does your face tell me otherwise?” Chase’s left eyebrow quirks.

  “I kind of ran into Lauren…”

  “Like ran into her or physically ran into her like you did the last time.” He laughs.

  I throw my head back against the couch, groaning. “I’m never telling my sister anything ever again.”

  “Dude, you should know by now that we keep no secrets. The vow of the ring.” He holds up his left hand, wiggling his ring finger. “Anyways, continue.”

  “I followed Kyler back to his house to get a bottle of rum he brought back from his honeymoon, and Lauren was there. In what I’m guessing is the new Lauren Lawson form, she ran out of there faster than I could talk, but this time it was different. I ran after her to talk to her, and she let me hold her for a moment. And for just a moment, I had…” I pause while I look for the word. “Hope.”

  “Well, you want my advice?” Chase leans over, resting his arms on his knees.

  “If I say no, you’re still going to give it to me anyway, aren’t you?” I joke.

  He nods. “Pretty much.” I extend my hand for him to continue. “Just give her time.”

  “That’s it? Give her time?” I question, and he nods. “Coming from you? The man who, after rear-ending my sister and wouldn’t leave her alone like a borderline stalker, says I should just give her time.”

  “Dude, it wasn’t that bad. Plus, you know how stubborn your sister is. It took forever for me to get her to agree on a date. She thought I just pitied her for the accident.”

  He’s right—it wasn’t that bad. Looking back on it now, I guess it was romantic, but back then, set in my cynical assholish ways, I thought it was kind of weird. Then again, while Chase found out places where my sister was going, I just happened to be in the same places as Lauren, so that has to be some sort of fate talking, right? Same place, same time, meant-to-be stuff.

  “Do as I say, not as I do, jackass.” He laughs and takes one last sip of beer before putting the empty bottle on the coffee table and wiping his hands on his shorts. “Now give me my little man. You’ve held him long enough.” He carefully scoops Liam out of my arms, and he snuggles into his dad’s chest.

  I stretch my arm out and massage the muscle that was cramping. It was worth it though.

  We sit in silence for the rest of the episode. Chase gets up to put Liam to bed, and I clean up a little bit. I’m placing the empty bottles in the recycling bin in the kitchen when Chase walks in.

  “So, I know I’m more of an outsider looking in since I came around after you two split, but in all the years I’ve been around, you’ve never been stuck on a girl like you are now. Hell, I can’t even recall a time when you brought a girl home with you.”

  I shrug off the facts he’s spitting out; I can’t deny it. Of course I dated in the past ten years. I’m a man who has needs, but no one has ever made me feel the way Lauren did, the way she still does.

  He continues when I stay silent. “What is it about this girl?”

  I lean back against the counter, propping my foot up against the door, and run my hands through my hair.

  “It was my fault. I was an asshole by pushing her away. Next thing I knew, that was the end of it. I guess I never really got over it. I may have acted like I moved on, yet my heart never really did. When you and Kels called to tell me about Dad, the first person I thought of was Lauren. I wished she was there next to me, helping me through it.” I spin and grip the counter, needing a moment to compose myself. The pain still clear in my voice. After a few breaths, I look back up at Chase, who gives a brief smile understanding. “Life is too short. My dad once told me to fight for her and to make her mine again. I thought I had all the time in the world, but losing him showed me we don’t. That girl has had my heart since I was sixteen, and I’ll be damned if I let her give it back to me.”

  Chase listens as I talk, taking it all in. He steps up to me and slaps my shoulder. “Well then, Finn, give her time, but don’t give up. She’s held your heart this long, and if I had to guess from what you told me earlier, I think maybe there’s a chance you still have hers.”

  God, I hope so.

  I’m rolling the trash can to the end of the driveway when my brother’s black Toyota Tundra pulls up. I wipe the hair out of my face.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask as he gets out of the truck, and I notice that he is alone. “Where’s Dani?”

  “Well, hello to you too. I see how it is. You just love me for my wife.” He laughs, pulling me into a hug.

  “Yeah, well, what can I say? I like her more.”

  “Punk,” he mutters under his breath.

  “You wanna come inside?” I ask.

  “Yeah, that’d be great.” He follows me into the house and to the kitchen.

  I open the fridge and pull out a bottle of water and offer him one, which he accepts.

  “Here.” He holds out a bottle of rum. “We got this for you in St. Thomas, but Dani forgot to give it to you the other night while you were over.”

  I accept the bottle from his hands and set it on the counter. “Wanna sit outside? It’s nice out.”

  “Sure.” As we step out in the backyard and take a seat at the table, Ky looks around. “Wow, Laur, it looks great out here.”

  I smile as I take a look around.

  “So, in all seriousness, where is Dani?” I ask, relaxing back in my chair, and Ky adjusts his glasses again over his eyes.

  “She’s home. I wanted to spend some time with you since she had you all to herself the other night,” Kyler says, then grips the back of his neck nervously. “And to apologize about Finn.”

  I snap my head in his direction. “Why are you apologizing? You’re allowed to see him. I know how much he meant to you growing up. How can I be upset or mad about that? You knew him just as long as I have.”

  K
yler stares at me, trying to see if I’m lying or telling the truth. I know that both of my siblings mean well, but I know that I wasn’t the only life that changed when Finn left. “You sure? I mean, you ran out of the house so fast the other night. I thought you might have been angry with me.”

  I hate that I made him feel like that. I have no right to be angry or upset with Kyler for being friends with Finn, especially after our father walked out on us. Kyler always looked up to Finn as a big brother, so who am I to take that friendship away?

  I inhale sharply. “No, it was just a long night. I finally told Dani all about Finn and our past. I was kind of a mess, and then just seeing him—” I look down at the ground. “—I don’t know, it was just a lot.”

  I sneak a peek at my brother and see that he is giving me a small smile, and I use that to change the subject. “So, I hear St. Thomas was amazing.”

  Ky’s serious face drifts to a full-blown smile. “It was. Minus the one day I got a little too sunburnt.”

  I laugh, recalling how Dani described how miserable he was that night. “Dani told me that.”

  We spend a little bit longer outside with him sharing his version of basically everything Dani said, but he is so animated talking about it that I just let him go on. All of a sudden, the sky open ups with a brief rainstorm, and we race inside.

  Once safely in the kitchen, I hand Ky a hand towel to dry off.

  “Hey, Ky, can I ask you a question?”

  He sets the towel down and leans his hands on the island. “Yeah, sure. You know you can ask me anything.”

  “Did it bother you not having Dad at your wedding?”

  The side of Ky’s mouth twitches to the side as if he’s deep in thought.

  “Honestly, no. I mean don’t get me wrong, it probably would have been nicer to have him there had I had a relationship with him, but I don’t. There was one time that I had wished he was, but I think it was more to show him how well I turned out without him. On my wedding day, I wanted to be surrounded by people I love, who support mine and Dani’s relationship, and Dad never even met her. He left us. I don’t even think he deserved an invitation—the man woke up one day and decided he didn’t want a family anymore.”